Dear Fat Teenage Girl

At the start of October, I was visiting Sydney with my family for my cousin’s 40th birthday. Before the party, my good friend Helen from Hells Bells came to join us for lunch. Helen is (amongst many other things), a piano and voice teacher. She told me a story about a student of hers, a girl of about 14, who is fat and worried that boys are never going to like her because of it. Helen told her about me, my rad fat self and my two boyfriends, and showed her my writing. So I decided to write her (and every other fat teenage girl out there), a little open letter.

Dear Fat Teenage Girl,

All your friends look SO pretty in their denim miniskirts and tight tank tops. Boys look at them at the train station after school, and they hitch up their school skirts to show off more of their legs. You would never dream of doing that. Nobody wants to see your huge thighs in a miniskirt, or your flabby belly and canteen lady arms in a tank top. When you get to the station after school, it feels like everyone is whispering about you and your ill-fitting school uniform as you walk past.

When you go to parties, all your friends end up making out with a boy, but you sit on the couch with your single Bacardi Breezer wondering if boys would like you more if you lost ten kilograms. In the summer, when there’s a pool party, or a beach trip, everyone else wears a bikini but you wear a long t-shirt over your swimsuit and wrap a towel around your waist as soon as you get out of the water.

You bury yourself in books and focus on your schoolwork so you have an excuse about why you aren’t dating anybody. You have crushes, but you never ask anyone out because why would someone want to date you? All your friends are dating but you’re not, and you tell yourself that you’re OK with that because you’re really committed to your schoolwork, even though what you really want is someone special in your life too.

On school holidays, when you go out with your friends to go shopping and see a movie, all your friends buy cute clothes from Sportsgirl and Supre and Forever New. While your friends are trying on skinny jeans and summer party dresses, you browse the accessories, because the only things from Sportsgirl that will fit you are shoes, earrings, headscarves and cute handbags and purses. You walk past the one or two stores that cater to plus-sized women, partly because you’re ashamed, and partly because you know that they won’t have anything in stock that suits you, because you’re not frumpy and middle-aged.

You wear a lot of black tights and shapeless dresses and big baggy jumpers and loose jeans – partly to hide your body shape, and partly because there’s nothing in the stores that both fits you AND that you like. You cruise op shops to find basic skirts and tops that will fit you that you can jazz up with all the accessories you buy when your friends are buying clothes. Someone told you once that horizontal stripes don’t look good on fat girls so you pass over that cute striped skirt that fits you in favour of a plain black one.

It’s so frustrating, isn’t it? You just want to be like everyone else; you want to wear cute clothes, and goof off at the beach in a skimpy swimsuit, you want boys (or girls!) to notice you and want to ask you out, and you want to invite someone special to your year 10 formal.

Well, much like Dan Savage does for gay kids, I’m here to tell you it gets better, fat teenage girl. It gets better.

I was like you when I was a teenager – in fact, all of the scenarios above are my very own experiences. I cared so, so much about what everyone else thought of me. I worried that boys didn’t like me as much as I liked them (which was A LOT, I was a boy crazy teenager), I could never find anything cute to wear outside of op-shops, and it was very annoying having to alter and adjust EVERY SINGLE THING I bought in order to get it to fit me. It was all just so frustrating – I worried that I would never feel comfortable with who I was.

But guess what? It gets better. It really, truly does. (And please forgive me, I’m about to go heteronormative here – as someone who is very firmly straight, I can only speak from my own experience). Whether you lose the weight or not is irrelevant – what matters is how you feel about yourself. If you truly believe that you’re the sort of girl that boys like, then you WILL be the sort of girl that boys like. And of course, fat teenage girl, if you you’re a lesbian, or if you think you might maybe be into girls more than boys, or if you think you might like girls and boys equally, or if you haven’t decided yet, that statement applies to you too. If you believe you’re the sort of girl that people of your preferred sexual identity will like, then you will be the sort of girl that people of your preferred sexual identity will like.

Somewhere around the time that I was 17, I decided that I just didn’t care anymore about what people thought of me. I decided I wasn’t going to try to be anybody else than who I was. I was going to do my own things. I was going to wear whatever clothes I wanted. I was going to buy the things I liked and that made ME feel good to wear, (which were not always the things that looked good on me). Fuck flattering, I thought. Fuck hiding every part of my body. Fuck the society that was telling me that as a fat girl I was ugly, that I was not sexy, that I was not worthy of attention, that I must hide myself and minimise my size and take up less space. Fuck all that.

I started wearing clothes I liked, and that made me feel good. I started walking straighter and taller. I started laughing louder, talking more to strangers, flirting with people. It wasn’t easy and it took a while, because at first I had to pretend I felt good and was confident, until eventually I legitimately felt good and was confident.

Somewhere around the time I was 17, I started going out with my first boyfriend. Now, I know better than anyone that correlation doesn’t equal causation, but I am also not entirely convinced that these were two completely unrelated events. At about that same time, other boys started getting interested in me as well. Now, I am certainly not saying here that I was fighting off teenage boys as if I was Megan Fox at a Transformers premiere, but I did for a while have a couple of boys interested in spending time with me for reasons other than my love of Star Wars and video games.

Since then, life has just gotten better and better for me. I am in love with two men (two!) who love me not because, or in spite of, but WHILE I am fat. There are plenty of men out there who actively seek out fat women as partners because they prefer the way fat women look and feel, in much the same way that there are men who seek out slim women, or blonde women, or women of Asian descent. There are plenty of men out there who love fat women in spite of the fact that they are fat – men who ordinarily wouldn’t seek out a fat woman as a partner but who have met and fallen in love with a fat woman. But both of my current boyfriends love me while I am fat. In other words, they didn’t choose to ask me out because I was fat, and they didn’t fall in love with me even though I was fat. They just love me, and I am fat. Like those two things exist separately, and converge in my relationships.

These are all valid relationship models – I am certainly not promoting one over the other. There’s nothing wrong with being loved because you are fat, just as there is nothing is wrong with being loved even though you are fat, just as there is nothing wrong with being loved while you are fat.

I wear impossibly high heels, and I wear short skirts without stockings, and I wear strapless and sleeveless dresses. I wear tight clothes and low cut tops and stockings attached to suspender belts. I drink beer and I flirt with men and I dance with little regard for who’s watching or what I look like. I live my life by my rules, and I am loved by my friends and loved by men who love me for who I am. I unashamedly take up space. My body is political. I am fat, and I am present, and I refuse to hide my shape under baggy, shapeless clothing. I refuse to use Spanx to mould myself into a more acceptable shape. I refuse to change myself, to conform the expectations of the society we live in. I will not hide.

What I am trying to say here, dear fat teenage girl, is that it gets better. You won’t always feel like you don’t quite fit in. You won’t always feel frumpy and confused about what you should wear. You won’t always feel like no boys (or girls!) like you. You won’t always feel unloveable.  You’re at a crossroads, right now. Right now you feel like nobody will ever love you, that you’ll never look cute in clothes the way your friends do. But you’re not always going to feel that way. Clothing for fat women is getting better and better, slowly but surely – better quality, better style, more affordable, and if you’re straight and into men, you will find that there are millions (MILLIONS!) of men out there who will think you are beautiful and many who will fall in love with you when they get to know you. I am sure, also, that if you’re a lesbian and into women, you’ll find that the same thing applies.

Don’t fall for the trope that only the skinny girl gets to fall in love. Hollywood (and before that, fairytales) has been selling you a false bill of goods, and there are lots of fat women out there on the internet, writing about how they are both fat and rad, writing about the great clothes they wear, and writing about their lovers and husbands and wives and girlfriends and boyfriends. I would like to draw your attention particularly to the writing of Melissa McEwan at Shakesville, a woman I really admire for her smarts and her jokes and her great big heart and her dedication to her work. Particularly I enjoy this article she wrote on the occasion of her tenth wedding anniversary with her husband Iain, entitled Ten.

Love is incredible, and frustrating, and rewarding, and when you find it you will wonder why you ever doubted that you would.

Fall in love with yourself first, and all else will follow.

All my love,



Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart

Seventeen years ago today, my mother died. This was the song we played at her funeral.

6/8/95 YNWA

2011 – Year In Review

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Got robbed. Technically I didn’t do that, it got done to me, but it was something I’d never done before. I also studied nursing. That was pretty new too.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Yes. I resolved to not get pregnant and to love my boyfriends fiercely, and I did both those things.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Mark’s sister had a little girl in June!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year. We did good!

5. What countries did you visit?
Does Google Street View count?

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A job!

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 21st – the day Occupy Melbourne was forcibly and violently evicted from City Square. Despite the fact that I was not involved that day, aside from a short altercation with a member of the Police in the morning, I will NEVER forget how sick and worried I felt all day. I will never forget seeing my friends kettled in behind temporary fences. I will never forget coming back into town after school and seeing thousands of people being forced up Swanston Street, a line of police blocking them in. I will never forget the 12 hour bus ride I had to Sydney that night, on which I didn’t sleep a wink because I was so worried about my friends.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not getting arrested on October 21st after shouting at a police man.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I cracked a rib jumping onto Emil’s bed in Sydney. The fail part was that it happened two days after the Occupy Melbourne eviction, but didn’t happen AT the Occupy Melbourne eviction, so I couldn’t swap war stories with my comrades.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
See question nine. Who breaks a rib jumping onto a bed?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new Wii to replace the one that was stolen in May.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mark’s. He is just a wonderful partner. He tolerates my unconventional behaviour and doesn’t try to force me to conform. He is honest and caring and supportive. He deserves to be celebrated every day!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and/or disgusted?
Robert Doyle. You made some terrible decisions and have never made any effort to meet with the people who those decisions affected.

14. Where did most of your money go?
I didn’t have any money this year. Not regularly, anyway. But every time I got a little bit of cash, I used it to go to Sydney. So….most of my money went to Qantas.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Dad’s 60th birthday in Brisbane in September. Going to Sydney to see Emil for the first time in February.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
U2 – Everlasting Love

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Happier, even though I didn’t think such a thing were possible. I was pretty happy last year.
ii. thinner or fatter? The same.
iii. richer or poorer? Definitely poorer. Gimme a job!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Emil? LOL. I wish I had read more books and written more of my novel.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I wish I’d been less crazy. I think I really ratcheted up the crazy girl behaviour this year.

20. How will you/did you spend Christmas?
Christmas Eve: Present-swaps and drinks and snacks with Mark, my sister and her boyfriend.

Christmas Day: Epic hailstorm of epicness.

Boxing Day: Highpoint shopping centre sucked my will to live.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I did. I didn’t think I was going to, but I did, and it’s amazing.

23. How many one-night stands?
Er…two. Three?

24. What was your favorite TV program?
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I really hate the Lord Mayor.

26. What was the best book you read?
High Fidelity. It will always be the best book I have read. I love it more than any other book.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
City Calm Down.

28. What did you want and get?
A new laptop. Twice. Cause the first new one got stolen.

29. What did you want and not get?
Millions and millions of dollars.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Red Dog. Adorable!

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Just a quiet thing at home. Turned 28.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A fuckin’ job!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Day: Lisa Loeb from the “Stay” video.
Night: Frocks and stilettos.

34. What kept you sane?
Mark. Fallout 3. Twinings Irish Breakfast tea. Pints of Coopers Pale Ale at the Quiet Man. Bruce Springsteen. Facebook. Occupy Melbourne.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Goran Visnjic. I could just lick him.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Occupy Melbourne. I went along on the first day and it sucked me in. It’s the revolution, baby!

37. Who did you miss?
Emil. More than words can say.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I just have to pick one? I met so many new people this year – I started school, got involved with Occupy Melbourne, and made MILLIONS of new friends. Amazing people, every single one of them!

39. Best drinking buddies for 2010:
Jenna, Mark, Dad and the rest of his side of the family, Sue, Emil.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you’ve got the love I need to see me through.

– You’ve Got The Love, Florence + the Machine.

I didn’t get arrested on Friday, October 21

But I think that was due more to good fortune than anything else. I heard via Facebook at 6.45am on Friday that a large police presence had suddenly descended upon City Square.

My plan for Friday was always to drop by City Square in the morning. I was going to Sydney on the bus that evening, and so I was going to take all my things with me into town, drop by the Occupation, have a bite for breakfast, head to school, and then go back to the Occupation for dinner, before making my way to the bus at 6.30pm.

However, when I got the news about the police presence, I immediately gathered my things and rushed out the door. I am a member of the First Aid Working Group at Occupy Melbourne and I wanted to drop by to find out if my colleagues needed any help. I got off the tram at the intersection of Elizabeth and Collins Sts and walked up to Swanston St with my suitcase and tote bag. When I got there, there was already a large contingent of police, private security guards (dressed very similarly to the police) and bystanders were amassing. Temporary fences had been erected. It was 8am.

I approached the police cordon and asked if I could please get through. I explained that I am a member of the First Aid team, my friends were in there and I wanted to see them for ten minutes.

Mr Policeman said that unless I was willing to consent to a search of my suitcase and shoulder bag, I was unable to get through. I explained that I wasn’t willing to consent to such a search, and reiterated that I was a member of First Aid, and I wanted to go onto City Square for ten minutes to see my friends, and then I would be on my way. Mr Policeman repeated the search request and explained that if I tried to enter the site, I would be forcibly removed. I asked him on what grounds and he said on the grounds of non-compliance with a search request. I explained that I was pretty sure that I didn’t have to comply with a search request unless the officer had a warrant or reasonable suspicion that I was carrying something dangerous and that all I wanted to do was see my friends for ten minutes.

This got Mr Policeman pretty agitated so I made the decision to get out of there before him or one of his cohort grabbed me. I knew that once an officer had his or her hand on me that I’d be totally up the creek without a paddle, so I bailed double quick. Walking up Collins St, I stopped to Tweet at my friends inside City Square. The view from here was incredible. The police were encircling the entire area, fences were going up, and the private security guards were looming around looking in equal parts nervous, confused and ominious.

I wanted to take a few pictures with my phone but felt for all the world like I was being watched after my verbal sparring match with the policeman down the hill, so I decided against that. The last thing I wanted was to have my phone confiscated or smashed by overzealous soldiers of the state.

I walked up the hill to school.

Once there, the action started happening. I followed everything on Twitter all day and after school finished at 2.30pm I went back into the city. I was on my way to my sister’s office to get some money from her, then to my boyfriend’s office to meet him for dinner. They were both on Bourke St, so the plan was to come down Collins St and then walk along Swanston to Bourke, in order to see if my first aid crew were outside the Town Hall with the protest group and to see if I could offer any assistance.

When I got to the corner of Collins and Swanston Sts at 3pm, I could see that the protest group (now much larger than it had been when I passed by at 8am), was located in front of the Town Hall and Swanston St on that side was cordoned off by a human wall of police officers. They were standing shoulder to shoulder. Swanston St on the other side of the intersection was closed off by police tape, but traffic was freely moving up and down Collins St. City Square was closed off by temporary fencing, guarded by police from the dog squad, as well as the suspiciously dressed private security guards of the morning. I could see mounted police in the crowd in front of the Town Hall and there was lots of confused yelling, both from people trapped within the crowd, and the passers by without.

I didn’t approach the police cordon this time. I had seen enough on Twitter and Youtube throughout the day to know that the whole situation was an absolute powder-keg, and I didn’t want to even look at a police officer the wrong way for fear of setting them off. I crossed Swanston St and walked down Collins St, towards my sister’s office.

So. I didn’t get arrested on Friday, October 21. Had the circumstances been different, had I not had my suitcase with me, I would have stayed at City Square. I would have ended up in the group outside the Town Hall. I would have been there helping Jason treat a girl with a broken knee when the police wouldn’t let ambulances through. I would have been helping to wash people’s eyes out after the deployment of pepper spray.

I am disgusted with the actions of Victoria Police, the Melbourne City Council and the State Goverment of Victoria. I am disgusted by the number of officers of the law who came down upon the people of Melbourne today without their name and designation badges on.  I am disgusted that the riot squad was sent into disperse a group of 100 people who were running a free community kitchen and first aid service. I am disgusted with the Lord Mayor’s dismissal of all of us as a “self-righteous, narcissistic rabble”, and with the police who charged their horses into the crowd. I am disgusted that 13 out of 17 truckloads of people’s personal belongings such as computers, cameras and tents and Occupy Melbourne donated items such as food, books, first aid equipment, marquees, tents and clothing were immediately compacted on site on Friday. So much was wasted.

I am, however, immensely proud to be associated with the Occupy Melbourne movement. Each and every one of those people has conducted themselves with the utmost of class. Not one single report of violence committed by a member of our movement has been found. Our people resisted peacefully, and not a single punch, projectile or molecule of flammable or irritant liquid was thrown by any of the Occupiers. Two police, apparently, got injured by capsicum spray, something that wouldn’t have happened if they’d not deployed it into a crowd on a windy day.

As of yesterday, Monday October 24, City Square remained fenced off and guarded by police from the dog squad and private security guards. So much for “returning City Square to the people of Melbourne”, Mr Doyle.

This is what happened in Melbourne on October 21, 2011

Daniel, our “Detective of Perspective”. I hope he is OK. Click through for Herald Sun photogallery

The Age photogallery

Twitter photos from American comedian and Citizen Radio host Jamie Kilstein, who spent the morning at the Occupation after his show on Thursday night

The Age’s coverage of what happened

Herald Sun’s coverage of what happened

Blogger Mike Stuchbery’s account of what happened

Press Releases from Occupy Melbourne. These cover the legal aspect, as well as the story of Koby James, an Aboriginal man who ended up in hospital due to police heavyhandedness.

I missed all of this I was at school. I followed it all via @JamieKilstein on Twitter while in class. I am heartsick over all of it. In Sydney currently and have just visited Occupy Sydney and had a chat with some nice people there about what happened to us yesterday. They have expressed sorrow and solidarity with us, and it feels really good to know that this is a uniting event. My god, they sent in the riot police. the RIOT POLICE. For unarmed protesters. I watched all those videos this morning after my bus ride and I just wanted to cry. I have only known these people for a week, but I love them so, so much. I have no idea who is arrested and who wasn’t.

The group reconvened last evening at Trades Hall and again this morning at Federation Square, then marched through the city to Trades Hall and back again to the Treasury Gardens. We Occupy Treasury Gardens from Saturday next week, and have General Assemblies from Tuesday at the State Library. I can’t wait to meet my First Aid people again. Love to all of them.

Melbourne, we are stronger than they think we are. I hope this is our galvanising moment.

On Saturday, I went to an abortion rally

I’m going to let the Better Health Channel cover this part for me: Abortion is legal in Victoria. In 2008, The Abortion Law Reform Act decriminalised termination of pregnancy and set out guidelines for when abortion can take place. Any woman of any age can attend an abortion clinic in Victoria and access abortion until she is 24 weeks pregnant. Abortion after 24 weeks is legal, but isn’t commonly performed. Two doctors must agree the termination is appropriate, considering the woman’s relevant medical circumstances and her current and future physical, psychological and social circumstances.

Under Victorian law, a health practitioner who has a conscientious objection to providing abortion information must refer any woman seeking information about abortion services to another doctor who doesn’t object. Doctors and nurses must perform an abortion in emergency situations where it’s necessary to preserve the life of the pregnant woman, even if they object to abortion in general.

On Saturday the Right to Life group had their annual March For The Babies. The Right to Lifers are mad that women are allowed to have abortions if they want one, and every year a bunch of angry white men (because they are always white men) trot out their clergy, their kids, their rosary beads and their pictures and statues of poor old Jesus and Mary to make their point.

SO. There was a counter-rally organised. We were a small group, but we were present. A small area of the steps at Parliament House had been cordoned off for us, and we stood their with our banners and our placards and our speakers and megaphones, took a small walk around the city and then returnted to our post where we waited for the Right To Lifers to come up Bourke St. We were told, by the leaders of our group, repeatedly, not to engage with the Right to Lifers. Not to yell back if they yell at us, not to let them get under our skin. We were told to remain in our area and not cross over into theirs. Pretty simple, right?

The Right to Life group made it’s way up Bourke St at around 3pm, and there were THOUSANDS of them. There was maybe, at a stretch, about 50 of us, but probably fewer. We were a very small group, though when we took our little march through the city, and while we were standing at Parliament House, we got lots of support in the form of applause and horn toots from passers by. This, I think, is testament to the fact that most Victorians now believe that the battle has been won – that because abortion has been decriminalised and made freely available, that there’s nothing to defend. Unfortunately, this is not true – just because a right has been won, doesn’t mean you don’t still need to stand up to protect it.

Anyway. The Right To Lifers arrived, and they were scary. They filled up Spring St, and spilled over into our area. Several of them made Nazi salutes at us, one lady stepped right into our small space and threw salt on me and a few other people. They came right up onto the kerb and shouted in our faces. The police had to get between us and the Right to Lifers – protecting us “Nazi baby killers” from the “love thy neighbour Christians.” I found it really confronting. I felt sad for all the kids there who were brought along by their parents, to serve their parents’ agenda. None of the people in our group had their children there, and I felt like it was a really inappropriate thing to bring your kids to.

I really felt like, had the police not been there, or been reluctant to protect us, that the Right to Lifers would have been quite happy to use violence to make their point. It was an appalling display of pseudo-dominance from a group of desperate people. It was kind of like, when you’re watching the footy and Collingwood are losing, and they start getting a bit elbowy or a bit fisty, in order to get the opposition out of the way, to intimidate them. That’s what it was like. It was like they knew they were a minority (despite being the bigger group on the day) so they had to start using pushyness and violence to try to change our minds. We weren’t there to change any minds. We were there to be present, and to show the people of Melbourne that this sort of anti-choice nonsense will not go unchecked.

The man in the centre of this photo, with his arms outstretched, was a particularly repugnant creature and I wanted to smack him right in his smug face. This guy reminded me of Rickety Cricket, from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

In the end, it was a good day. It was confronting being Nazi saluted at, though that wasn’t a big shock for me, as I used to work at a theater and while we were showing The Producers, we used to greet each other with Nazi salutes, it was very tongue in cheek. But having someone throw salt at me was VERY confronting. That made me feel sad, and angry, and dehumanised. It made me feel like the lady who threw it at me didn’t think of me as a person in my own right, with my own sense of agency. I laughed, at the time, but looking back on it, I just feel angrier and sadder. She just saw me as a demon baby killer, despite knowning nothing about me at all.

I didn’t go out on Saturday to tangle with anti-choicers. I went out on Saturday to be present with a small group who represent most of Victoria, to remind a large group who only represent themselves that they will ALWAYS have us on their back. That they will not succeed in undoing the rights we have come so far to achieve.

A lady from Radical Women gave me a coathanger to wave around just before Right to Lifers arrived, and I present, complete with a bad taste joke, the photo of me holding the coathanger at Parliament Station:

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I went to the pro-abortion rights rally, and all I got was this stupid coathanger!! (LOLOLOLOLOL)

Lastly, you can see some great photos of the day here, from Kenji Wardenclyffe at Wardenclyffe Photography. He always takes kickass shots of civil actions. Hopefully the link works – it’s to a Facebook Page, not a profile, so there shouldn’t be any privacy issues.


And on an unrelated note, I posted something on Facebook in response to a link posted on the SlutWalk Melbourne page, and Helen Razer liked it! THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

Quiz-like thing

1. Picture of yourself?







2. Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?
Non-monogamous – Polyandrous. That means “many men”.

3. Have you ever been dumped?
No. I have always been the dumper.

4. What do you most like about making out?
Oh, I love it. It’s *awesome*.

5. Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

6. When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

7. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?
Depends on the person. I like a lower belly area on a boy with a nice figure. I like hands and shoulders too.

8. Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?
Mark, bless him.

9. Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

11. Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

12. What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?
Retro homewares, and owl ornaments.

13. Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?
Oh god no.

14. Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

15. Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?
I tell the person I have a crush on. And probably a few of my friends.

16. Do you miss your last sweetie?
No. I definitely traded up when I dumped him.

17. Last time you slow danced with someone?
Can’t remember when but it was definitely with one of the boys, probably to a Bruce Springsteen song.

18. Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

19. How can I win your heart?
By going down on me.

20. What is your astrological sign?

21. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
Tossing and turning in bed. I slept in the early evening and so that kind of screwed up the rest.

22. Do you cook?
Yes. It’s very enjoyable.

23. Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?
No. I did once have a fling with a boy I’d made friends with when I was 12, after not having seen him for 14 years.

24. If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?
No. I am happy with the way things are right now.

25. Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?
I prefer long term non-monogamy.

26. What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?
Soft skin, dark hair, tall, skinny, pretty. PRETTY!

27. Name four things that you wish you had:
A job.
Flat shoes.

28. Are you a player?

29. Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?
Yes. Should I admit here that I’ve also had sex with two people in one day?

30. Are you a tease?

31. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

32. Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?
Yes. It’s beautiful.

33. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?
Is Hugh Jackman on Tumblr?

34. Hugs or Kisses?
Only from the people I am dating.

35. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Height, prettiness level.

37. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?
Yes. But only when it’s one of my boyfriends.

38. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?
Only if their relationship was an open one. Hello ethics!

39. Do you flirt a lot?
Yes. I flirt with everyone.

40. Your last kiss?
Sometime today.

41. Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2011?
I have kissed exactly 5.

42. Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

43. If you could kiss anyone who would it be?
One of my boyfriends, or Hugh Jackman. YUM.

44. Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

45. Does someone like you currently?
Oh yes.

46. Do you currently have feelings for anyone?
Yes. More feelings than my heart can stand!

47. Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
Both. Preferably at the same time.

48. Ever made out with just a friend?

49. Are you happier single or in a relationship?
Yes to both.

Welcome to Fat and Sassy

I’m Erin. I’m 26 years old, female, (mostly) straight, feminist, fat, slightly kinky, non-monogamous, and sex-positive. And this is Fat and Sassy. I’m envisioning this as a place where we can talk sex, relationships, fashion, environment, feminism, politics, pop culture and so on, with a fat-positive, sex-positive, kink-positive attitude.

I’m hoping to recruit a few of my friends to share their thoughts and experiences – I’ve got friends with loads of experience and tons of attitude, so with any luck I’ll be able to cajole some of them into joining in the fat sassy fun.

I love comments, so leave me some! There’s nothing like some healthy disagreement!